Since I’ve been back in the office the most common question I’ve been getting is “what’s it like being married?!” To which my usual reply is “It’s great”. It’s kind of a hard/awkward question to answer, at least in appropriate office hallway conversation style.
Marriage for me, has meant a big lifestyle change, and it’s difficult for me to explain the range of emotions that change brings out in me.I’m going to try though, to explain what I’m feeling and what marriage is really like (for those who have been married 2 months).
My husband and I didn’t live together before we were married and we moved to Kansas City from St. Louis right after we got married (so Mark could go to dental school) which was a big change. I have come to love KC but I don’t know anyone here and I work from home.
I actually had a brief moment last week where I legitimately missed my old life - where we were in St. Louis, I worked in an office everyday, I had all my friends just a short drive away, and I spent money on myself without a second thought. But that fleeting feeling made me feel so guilty, because I love Mark so much and I would marry him a thousand times over but it just felt so wrong to miss my life. That’s not how married people are supposed to feel! Even though the feeling was so brief the guilt I felt weighed down me and I ended up silently crying myself to sleep, hiding my shame from my husband. I felt like such a horrible person for even letting the thought of longing for my old life cross my mind.
I think the biggest change is changing my mindset from me to us. It actually makes me feel like in retrospect, I lived a very self-centered life.
In the past, if I wanted something, I just bought it. But now, every time I buy something I think “is this the best way to spend money for us?”. It’s not like just living with a roommate, because you love the other person, truely and deeply, and you genuinely care about their well being and feelings. When I lived alone I would think nothing of having a bowl of cereal at 9pm for dinner, but now, while we’re both capable of making ourselves our own dinner on our time, it’s about what works best for both of us because maybe that other person had a long horrible day and while I’m feeling lazy and am perfectly content with lucky charms they really need a hot meal and a hug. So you do your best to give them what they need, and vice-versa.
I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately and I do love being married and I love my husband. Marriage is just a huge, HUGE, change in your life and I think it takes some getting used to. And now, I think it’s okay that I had that moment of longing for my old life. That moment doesn’t mean I’m a bad wife or that I don’t want to be married, it just means that it’s difficult to go from a life focused on yourself to a life that’s focused on a family.
When people ask me about being married I just want to tell them that its a big change in my life that’s terrifying, wonderful, exciting, hopeful, and a new responsibility that I’ve never experienced before. But again, it’s difficult to articulate that in a casual office convo.
I don’t know what I did, I assume slept on it wrong, but my lower back is killing me. I need someone’s small toddler to jump on my spine until something pops back into place, what that is I don’t know but it needs to happen.
So, I’ve been thinking of sharing some hilarious/embarrassing stories featuring myself or my sisters. We are particularly adept at getting ourselves into ridiculous situations that usually end humorously at our expense and I thought I would spread the love.
This particular incident occurred in college. I was on my way to class and grabbed a coffee on the way. For some reason, I’ve always felt smartest when I have a coffee in my hand.
I grew up with the image of college students standing around with coffee in hand, just soaking up knowledge (I’m fairly certain intelligence is directly correlated to coffee intake). As a result a vast majority of my college life was fueled by java. Unfortunately for me, this was a cold day, so I had a piping hot cup of vanilla latte in hand.
I had some time to kill before class so I went a’wonderin’. I made my way to a faculty hallway and paused at an office that had several comic strips pinned up outside the door.
As I mentioned, I was killing time and my coffee was still too hot to drink (thwarting my plan to stand outside the classroom, drinking coffee, looking like a freaking genius), so I locked one knee, shifted my weight, and settled in for the long haul of reading every single comic outside this door. I became so engrossed in the hilarity of the Peanuts gang that I neglected to notice someone walking down the hall toward me - I certainly didn’t notice that the person walking toward me had a cane and was blind. This would not usually be an issue but I was in my own world and the blind hall walker missed me with the cane. Unaware that I was in his way he ran right into me causing my locked leg to buckle and the hot coffee to empty itself down my chest, scalding my skin. Thankfully he was unscathed.
Gasping in pain, I didn’t know what to do, it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, if anything, it was mine for not paying attention. So I did what any sane person would do…I ran. I turned heel, sopping wet, left that poor guy standing there wondering who (or what) he had bumped in to.
I’m fully aware that I’m kind of a horrible person for my handling of this situation.
We’re doing some team building exercises at work next week and I have to come up with two interesting facts about myself. They can’t be obvious and I’m having trouble coming up with facts that people don’t already know about me.
So - I was hoping my tumblr followers could help me out by giving me some interesting facts about yourself - 1. to give my brain a jumpstart and 2. so I can get to know you all better.